Friday, 22 June 2012

Fear

Does fear affect your every day life as a curvy woman? Heck just as a woman?

If you are honest with yourself, you'd have to say yes. If not, I applaud you for your courage and conviction as a human being in this cray world. I know fear tugs at me alot more than I should allow it to. Fear of success; am I good enough? Fear of taking that first step into the unknown and pursuing my dreams.

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
H. P. Lovecraft

This quote is very true. How often do we allow an innate sense of fear to stop us from doing what we so desperately what to do or achieve in this life? Why do we do it?

Fear, believe it or not is a comfort. It keeps us wrapped up and sheltered from life; from friends; from the environment......from living. Fear is part of what keeps those of us with eating problems on  he side of unhealthy because our weight can keep people away. If people stay away we can't get hurt.

I am slowly learning that if you truly want to live; man or woman; fat or thin; you have to experience hurt, pain and suffering at some point. It's what we do with that that creates the path for our life. I'm almost 43 and have lived most of my life in fear. Whether it be fear of my own making for fear I've allowed others to inflict on me. None of it was positive or healthy or good for me.

So, how do we get ourselves out of that fearful place and move forward, being able to face the world? For me, I am learning that it does not come from anything or anyone outside of myself. I have needed to deeply reflect on what i want from life; from love; from work... Am i truly alive if in fear? No!

The first step may be finding out where the fear truly originates from. It's different for everyone. It can stem from abuse; gender; sexual orientation; an unhealthy relationship....etc., etc. The key is to grab hold of what made you fearful and realize it's likely something from your past. Trust me when i say that your past can't hurt you. It's done and over with. It happened and it had it's affect. Now do you want to live back there or live each day walking forward and experiencing all your life has to offer?

No, it's not easy to face a fear, past or present but is it worth it? I think so. Fear, like negative people, sap your energy. It tires your spirit and the ability to embrace yourself and joy. Why allow anything to have that much control over what you do?

"Every moment you have a choice – to be at peace or to be in resistance. When you are at peace you attract positive energy and when you resist you create negative vibes that reflect back on your being. It’s a simple choice and yet most people unconsciously choose to live in negativity." http://www.outofstress.com/attract-positive-energy/

Letting go of fear is not outside of what your capabilities are. You have it within you to leave fear aside and walk with your head held high and your heart open to what life will certainly give you if you give it and yourself  chance. So give yourself a chance to shine ladies! (and men). You are so worth it!!!!!

I am still looking for ideas to write about. If you have something to share or an idea that I and the rest of us curvy ladies out there need to know about, drop me a line at curvesrfab@gmail.com
Until next time....
Heather McAlendin-Kendall
http://mcalendin.com
http://curvesrfab.blogspot.com

heather mcalendin 2012

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Would you read.......

.....a book with plus size characters in it?


A recent trend in television and in some novels has been to add a token plus size male or female role. What do you think about this? Have we as a society started surpassing the necessity to add "fat" people in books or tv simply for humour or are we treating them with the respect they deserve as true characters?

As a writer, at times it's a balance between what I want as the creator and what the reader wants as the audience. I did write an erotic Christmas story last year and got quite a few negative comments about it. Made me wonder if readers at large (no pun intended) are ready to see plus size people as just that...people with desires; businesses; lust and love lives....etc.

As a curvy woman myself i try and stay on the positive side of most things even at times when i've wanted to just give up writing all together. Do I write for love of the characters and the work or do i write to get into main stream publishing? Hard question at times. I've stayed an indie writer for the most part because i like the freedom even though it can be tough of the pride when sales are small.

Is the world ready for more plus size storylines? Let me know what you think! I'd love to hear from you...

I am still looking for ideas to write about. If you have something to share or an idea that I and the rest of us curvy ladies out there need to know about, drop me a line at curvesrfab@gmail.com
Until next time....
Heather McAlendin-Kendall
http://mcalendin.com
http://curvesrfab.blogspot.com

heather mcalendin 2012

Friday, 8 June 2012

Plus Size...Over 40...Happy and Sexy?

I have to admit I never quite thought of myself as sexy at any time in my life....well, not  until recently anyway. Growing up and being overweight in varying degrees since at least 12 or 13 years old I always felt awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin. Typical pre teen and teenage stuff to be sure but I was also heavier than most girls. I was and sometimes still am an emotional eater.

Boys can be cruel so can girls and rejection is tough when you are shy to being with. There were a few brief years in college when i worked out like a maniac and refused to eat anything with calories....which does not leave many options. Was i happy then as a "thin girl" ? NO!

So many people fail to realize that regardless of genetics, emotions and state of mind play a huge role in how we as women feel about ourselves. Weight can, at times play into all of this. Women set a high bar for their species and when we fail to meet the so called "standard" we allow it to affect our self esteem and confidence.

If there is any message I want plus size women to hear out of anything i blab about in this blog is this...."You are a unique, beautiful person who deserves to love and be loved." Now love can include self love. If you don't love and appreciate yourself who else will take the time to see the beauty within and without?

Sounds simple doesn't it? The hardest things to do can be the most simple. So don't fool yourself into thinking your mindset can change over night. Age, sex, size DOES NOT MATTER if you think YOU DON'T MATTER. Educate yourself, take care of the gift that is you and the world will watch you shine! Believe me it has taken me until almost 43 years of age to realize I am a good person, deserving of good things. I'm still learning to surround myself with the people and things that are good for me; want the best for me.
 So if you are a curvy woman; over 40 and still not sure about your place in the world remember that you are NOT ALONE!!!  You should not be surprised to know there are millions of us out there struggling with the same thing everyday. Talk about your struggle; blog about it.....get it out and share it. You'll find another hand willing to grasp yours in every corner of the world. A hand that is willing to help you up and not knock you down.

I am still looking for ideas to write about. If you have something to share or an idea that I and the rest of us curvy ladies out there need to know about, drop me a line at curvesrfab@gmail.com
Until next time....
Heather McAlendin-Kendall
http://mcalendin.com
http://curvesrfab.blogspot.com

heather mcalendin 2012