Friday, 30 March 2012

Negative Body Image.....

Negative is as negative does.....really?

Has negative body image affected your life? Can that body image change? Can we learn to love ourselves at any age; any size?

Personally, negative body image consumed alot of my teenage years and young adult life. I have had weight and self esteem issue for so long, its hard to imagine a time when it didn't affect my life of my choices. Where did it come from? Many different factors made me judge myself and my looks very harshly. I come from a divorced family...normally i do not use that as an excuse for anything because my mother did her best to raise 3 children on her own and we had very loving and supportive grandparents. But, my father....who left when i was not quite 8 years old was a drinker and could be very verbally and physically abusive; he had women outside the marriage. When I was very young he was my role model for how men treated women....not a great example to be sure. As a result of his leaving, I was thrust into accepting a lot of responsibility at a very young age. I helped my mom with my brother and sister....I cooked alot...etc. Sadly, my father's side of the family had little if anything o do with us after my father left. Emotionally, I turned inward on myself for many different reasons and gained alot of weight. I ate to self sooth.

Being overweight and heading into puberty, especially being a girl left me open to alot of verbal abuse from other children.....i used to get verbally abused even beat up in a few instances by boys and because i wasn't "cool"....i had a very small group of friends and was not included in the "popular" girls crowd.

This extended into my young adult years when i was dating. When you have a young man you have been dating tell you that he only went out with you to see what it was like to be with a girl who had, "personality" rather than "looks" hurt like hell when i was 19/20 years old.

The list goes on but i won't get anymore personal than that at the moment. The fact is we all have reasons for why we view ourselves in a negative manner. So how do we change it?

I had to figure out (and it took many years) that I was worth it to get out of the muck and mire I allowed myself to wallow in. I'm 42 and still working on that. I had to make a conscious decision to cut the crap and negative people out of my life. It's a process of self discovery and sometime you don't like what comes up or what you see but trust me when i say that we are stronger than we think and life is so worth the attempt at being positive.

It takes years to build that negative self image so don't assume it will change or go away over night. Counseling helps...prayer...meditation...writing...dance...tai chi...these are just a few tools to use to help change your negative near sightedness into a positive outlook on yourself and life in general. Discover that :thing" that gives you energy or charges your excitement and creativity and use it to help you see just how great you are. You need to build yourself up so no one can or will ever tear you down again. Be strong...but remember than in that strength comes a vulnerability that enhances you...don't allow it to scare you or cause you too shut down. You have to be open mentally and emotionally or change won't occur.

You are not to blame for others actions or reactions to you, but you are to blame if you allow yourself to shrivel up and die because of another's actions or insensitivity.  Don't necessarily change the way you look..although change is good sometimes....learn to appreciate who you are; right now; in this moment. Find something good....your smile..your eyes....your hair....there is always something good about you. Focus on that and use it as a stepping stone to find another positive. Don't wait for someone to give you a compliment.....give yourself one instead!

You are worth the time and effort it will take to turn the tide in your life!

I am still looking for ideas to write about. If you have something to share or an idea that I and the rest of us curvy ladies out there need to know about, drop me a line at curvesrfab@gmail.com

Until next time....

Heather McAlendin
http://mcalendin.com
http://curvesrfab.blogspot.com

heather mcalendin 2012

Friday, 23 March 2012

Who or what inspires you?

Been alot going on in my life lately so please excuse me if I haven't been keeping up with the blog quite as I should.

I have been thinking alot about life and what or who inspires me to keep moving forward, especially in times of stress or uncertainty.

As a middle aged women it's sometimes hard to find people or friends to confide in, especially if you are, at times withdrawn. The majority of the time i don't find it too difficult to find that silver lined cloud. Admittedly that has been hard to do that of late.

My inspiration or motivation to keep going is my family. I have a very close relationship with my fiance. He and I seem to be bound together by something very powerful; so much so that he is aware of my emotional state even before I am. (scary huh)

My son and I are close, even though he is almost 17 and very sullen, intelligent young man. He takes on the role of my emotional protector at times and for that I am grateful.

Life itself inspires me and what I want out of it. I want success but perhaps not in the way most people imagine it. I am inspired by nature and the simplicity and grace of it. I want to be that reed who bends in the wind and then recovers, looking as graceful as if nothing has touched it. Nature is powerful and yet so soft at the same time; much like a woman too I think.

Take what inspires you and use it to drive you forward. Use that positive energy and somehow let it seep into you like a ray of sun; embrace the warmth and the comfort and feel good. In know it seems a simple thing but it's true that the simplest of things are the  most profound.

Take a moment when you are in self doubt and really concentrate on what inspires you to lie; to smile; to dance. If you can't think of anything....that's okay too. Inspiration will come upon you when you least expect it so close your eyes and take it in when it does. Living is all about the here and now because you don't know what tomorrow may bring.

I am still looking for ideas to write about. If you have something to share or an idea that I and the rest of us curvy ladies out there need to know about, drop me a line at curvesrfab@gmail.com

Until next time....

Heather McAlendin
http://mcalendin.com
http://curvesrfab.blogspot.com

heather mcalendin 2012

Friday, 16 March 2012

A New Issue???

I read a comment online the other day that plus size and or/ "fat" issues are the new black. What the hell is that supposed to mean? That concerns about fashion; life; health' sexuality; employment etc., when it comes to plus size people are just a flash in the pan?

It's that type of flippant remark that burns me a little...okay alot!  Plus size men and woman have been treated like second class citizens in many markets. That is something I just don't get. We put money in the economy; work; have families; live; breath; love.

Funnily enough at one time have some weight on your bones was a sign that you were wealthy and successful. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly aware that obesity is a growing problem in many countries across the globe. Health and well being is an issue and should be respected no matter what weight, age or size you are.

But why disrespect or ignore a large group of consumers because "weight" and everything associated with it is put in such a negative light?

My hope is what is slowly happening is both media and private individuals; corporations are figuring out that the plus size population is here to stay and we deserve to be treated the same as everyone else.

Plus size issues a "flash in the pan"? I don't know about you but I'm here to stay; hopefully for many more years to come!


I am still looking for ideas to write about. If you have something to share or an idea that I and the rest of us curvy ladies out there need to know about, drop me a line at curvesrfab@gmail.com

Until next time....

Heather McAlendin
http://mcalendin.com
http://curvesrfab.blogspot.com

heather mcalendin 2012

Friday, 9 March 2012

Woman - A Poem

I write poetry from time to time and as yesterday was International Women's day I thought I'd share a poem I write a few years back. Sometimes as women (curvy or not) we neglect to acknowledge our own talents. We are so much more than just our outward appearance or our last name. We are a sum of many parts. We are what others see and we are what we see within ourselves.

I am a mother, writer, a sister, a lover, a poet, a friend and so much more.....Who are You?
 What is it to be a woman?
Am I only the sum of my parts?
I am called sister, wife, mother and friend.
I am called to mend the souls of the world,
Without tending to my own.

What is it to be a woman?
Will I be remembered?
I am expected to keep peace, be the diplomat, be it all!
I am asked to hold the world upon my shoulders,
Without question or regret.

What is to be a woman?
Am I to be objectified and sexualized?
I am expected to be in fashion, yet be unique, yet conform.
I am expected to be an example to those who are yet come,
Without being able to thank those who came behind.

What is it to be a woman?
I am a sum of many things.
I am a sister, I am a mother, a wife and a friend.
I am lost in the grand scheme of glamour, money and notarity.
Always to be at the call of another.

What is it be a woman?
I am who you want me to be...

Heather
February 23, 2003


I am still looking for ideas to write about. If you have something to share or an idea that I and the rest of us curvy ladies out there need to know about, drop me a line at curvesrfab@gmail.com

Until next time....

Heather McAlendin
http://mcalendin.com
http://curvesrfab.blogspot.com

heather mcalendin 2012